We’re not socially conditioned to put pleasure as a priority in our lives. We’re conditioned to obey authority, work long hours, waste our money on material things we think will make us happy, and we’re conditioned to squelch our natural primal sexual desires. However, putting pleasure first, especially our sexual pleasure, keeps us vibrantly alive and in our full power. Being in touch with our “Pleasure Dome” keeps us in successful relationships with our partners, as well as ourselves.
We’ve been taught to believe that sexual pleasure is taboo, bad, sinful and something we just don’t freely talk about. We’re offered a bare minimum, inadequate or even medically incorrect sex education in middle school, then left to figure it out on our own as we haphazardly make our way through romantic relationships, partnerships, marriages, separations and divorces. In the ancient days of some cultures, young men and women were schooled in the art of sex and how to pleasure themselves and their partners. It’s a shame the art of giving and receiving pleasure has been lost in the western culture; especially since being fully expressed sexually keeps us happy, loving and living a life that is radiantly vibrant.
And here’s a nugget of awakening: It’s an absolute myth that sexual pleasure stops at a certain age and that as we get older we’re no longer sexually vital or attractive with our wrinkles, age spots and sagging skin.
Pleasure in the Middle Ages & Beyond
Yes, it’s true that our parts don’t function quite as sharply as they did when we were younger. But, three of the most important aspects of arousal as we age are anticipation, mindfulness and presence. We can also pleasure our lover through touch, taste and creative exploration with no expectations other than the allowing of the giving and receiving of nurturance. The most important thing to remember is to remain playful and open to discovering or re-discovering what feels good as we embrace our aging sexuality.
We can experience hot sexual pleasure for the rest of our lives, with or without a partner, as long as we stay healthy, maintain a sexy attitude by owning our sexuality, and keep open communication with our lovers. In fact, sex is sort of like an anti-aging activity; the more sex we have, the more sexually vibrant we become. Like a good, fine wine, sex can be more satisfying and we can become more adventurous in our explorations of our sexuality as we age.
Exploring the Pleasure Dome
Some may finally feel free to explore and experiment in “rooms” of the Pleasure Dome they had been afraid to venture into or never knew existed at an earlier age. As the saying goes, “with age comes wisdom” and that applies to our sexuality as well. With our aging sexual wisdom comes the understanding that our aging bodies arouse differently. If you’re only playing in one area of your Pleasure Dome, try expanding your sexual expression and become fluent in areas you’ve never considered exploring. Experiment and get your pleasure on!
Tune in and discover what pleasures you or you and your lover. Stretch the boundaries by adding fantasy and sensation play, erotica or kink. Self-pleasure yourselves with each other. Build anticipation by exploring the senses of taste, sound, touch, sight, and smell. Be daring, though discreet, and have sex outside surrounded by nature. Make delicious foods for you and your lover and sensually feed each other. Read or write your own erotic poetry and share with your lover. And, of course, it can be super fun to add new toys to your “pleasure cave” adventures. With toys, don’t forget a good water-based lube!
Find something that relaxes you/your lover such as decadent baths or massages together. Relaxation fosters confidence and comfort and can help with both erectile dysfunction and dryness issues. Also, giving and receiving without any agenda of orgasm is a delicious experience of pure pleasure. The options are truly limitless.
So, join me in the new revolution of sexual healing and erotic freedom! Declare for yourselves a rebirthing, reawakening and reclaiming of your access to full, unabashed, sexual freedom to live a life filled with more pleasure, more sex, and more love!
© 2020 bethlovemore